Have you ever been so certain that you've heard from God, but then things don't go as planned? I'm weathering through a season of confusion right now. My husband and I were positive that the Lord was opening a door for us to go back home to help plant a new church. (We have been living in Plainfield for about 2 years now and although we love the area, our hearts are back home in Freeport.)
So, long story short...
About two and a half years ago, God called us here to get out of our comfort zones. It was a test of our faith and after much prayer, a little fear, and several confirmations, we left the comfort of family and friends to follow God in obedience. Since living here, Brian has started classes to become a pastor. He's well on his way to being certified. Our daughter, Kendell was born and we've made some life-long friendships. God has been good to us and apparently, He still has a purpose for us here.
Here's where the confusion sets in...
Through a connection at church, we were informed that the Illinois District Council of Assemblies of God churches wanted to church plant in our hometown, Freeport. In hearing this, we thought, "this is the opportunity we've been waiting for!" In fact, God started opening doors to pave the way. We met with the leaders of the launch team and instantly clicked. We were casting vision and dreaming big dreams! Then a job opened up for Brian! It seemed like all the pieces were coming together.
And then...it didn't.
The job offer wasn't right for our family and my family (who are strong believers and people who hear from the Lord) were revealing some concerns. After seeking wisdom and a lot of prayer, we thought we heard the Lord say "stay". Clearly, not a word I wanted to hear! I wanted to be involved in this church plant to improve a community that I will always call home. Additionally, I wanted Kendell to be closer to her grandparents. When I heard the word "stay" I became angry, confused, and sad. Questions and uncertainty flooded my thoughts. I was a basket case! Have you been there? In searching for answers, I came across a journal entry I had written about a month prior. It read:
If God doesn't give us what we want or ask for, is my faith strong enough to say "not my will, but Yours?" Bible reference Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
BAM! There it was. In my own handwriting! Although some confusion remains and answers are unclear, I will trust Him. This is an opportunity for my faith and trust to grow. Even though, I don't really like the outcome of the situation, God has given me peace. We still have gained a great connection with the church plant leaders and are able to serve them from a distance. I gained an enormous amount of respect and admiration for my husband as I watched Him pray over this decision. I will follow him anywhere. Lastly, I gained the opportunity to be a part of this blog and to continue growing the friendships that God has blessed me with in Plainfield!
We all struggle, especially in situations that disappoint us. The key is having the courage to say "not my will, but Yours". So as I "stay" where the Lord has placed me, here's my new prayer.
Show me God. Show me what I'm supposed to do with this. What are you preparing me for? How am I supposed to use this experience? Help me to use this time productively so that it just doesn't turn out to be a void in my life. Help me to be a better, wiser, and stronger person in every possible way I could be. ~ Amen
I've also adopted a new saying and maybe it will help you as you make decisions. It helps with the confusion and turns my eyes back to Christ. Sometimes you have to say no to the good things, so you can say yes to the great things! Anticipating the great things!